SERIOUSLY ... the oldest pistol was doing the most inappropriate and disturbing dancing I've ever seen last night. To, the oldest version of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire I'd ever heard. It's not like it was Shakira. I had to call Dr. Teats in from Teatsville (the office) to view with me so he wouldn't think I was exaggerating. It was totally unbelievable. I looked at him like "wtf have you been watching???" and he was giving me the same "wtf?" I mean ...Dancing With the Stars ... mmmm - it's a stretch. We're talking ... D-I-R-T-Y. And not in a 1980's sort of way ... in a "You might get a gig on Howard Stern" kind of way ... WOW. I can't even describe it all to you except to say ...
SHE WILL N-E-V-E-R have a four post bed. I don't want to feed into the training.
THREE. YEARS. OLD.
I'm screwed. And I promise ... it's Noggin, Sprout and Disney channel around here ... HAVE YOU SEEN BELLE OR AURORA SHAKE IT LIKE THEIR HIPS DON'T LIE?
Dear Sweet Baby Jesus ... Godder Fodder, Elf on a Shelf ... Good ole Saint Nick ... whoever will hear my prayer ... I do not want to see my daughter on Girls Gone Wild ... WE WILL PAY FOR HER COLLEGE EDUCATION... so there will be no need for extra money ... the trust fund is already set up .... I AM ON MY KNEES, not afraid to beg ... I want my girl to be the classy, athletic, piano playing, nice girl ... you know, THE DESIGNATED DRIVER OF ALL THE HUSSIES ...NOT THE HUSSY HERSELF! Damn it. I mean ...Amen.
The local ballet company is now on speed dial. We are enrolled. I am determined to RE-DIRECT her uh...God giv.. uh. .. talen...uhh... ABILITY TO "m-o-v-e" 'it' ... into something classy and productive.
Horrified,
M.F.
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1 comment:
You have to keep that "married stuff" in the bedroom. Geesh!
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