Went and worked out tonight ...
Took care of my 'other' wifely duties. (leaving the pink tampax box out on the bathroom counter didn't work evidently ...)
Packed 3 suitcases for week long lake trip.
Sat down to facebook, and ate a bowl of Coco Puffs...
What on earth did I work out for?
Damn it.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
I SUCK, but cheers to Electrolux
...no, I know I'm crass but it's not THAT kind of post today.
Dr Teats had the new fridge delivered yesterday ...
He failed to mention, however, that he was having a washer and dryer come too. You'd think, I'd have been ecstatic ...except for the gazillion loads of laundry I was planning on doing at naptime (from week vacation, FOR week vacation) - whilst the pistols were out of my hair napping.
Nevertheless, I got over myself and welcomed my new set of Electrolux front loaders... (having quickly decluttered and delentified the laundry room in 20 minutes). I didn't pick the things, had no idea what they were capable of, didn't even ask for the suckers, BUT DAMNNNNNN I THINK I'M GONNA ENJOY LAUNDRY A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT MORE!!!
All was bliss until later in the evening ...I'm out with a girlfriend having cocktails and dinner ...Dr. Teats, home with pistols - TEXTS me..."WHERE DID YOU PUT THE CLOTHES THAT WERE IN THE DRYER?"
I laughed out loud and responded: "I checked the washer, not the dryer ... sorry!!! OOPS. Guess the clothes are on their way to habitat for humanity with the washer and dryer.... haha"
I got no LOL reply back...I'm just saying. I've told you he doesn't think I'm funny.
Lucky for me, (and Dr. Teats) MR-APPLIANCE-GUY had already intercepted them and they were nicely folded and in a box.
I'm such a freaking awesome wife ... a) Dr. Teats does his own laundry and b) Dr. Teats surprises me with new washer and dryer and I don't even bother to check to see if he's left clothes from his laundry run the night before ...c) IT ALL MAKES ME LAUGH!!! hahahaha. Horrid, horrid, horrid wife, and thus, I SUCK. (and evidently am going to be doing more of it having just received some RAD appliances...:) )
Cheers to Electrolux, (and sucking.)
Dr Teats had the new fridge delivered yesterday ...
He failed to mention, however, that he was having a washer and dryer come too. You'd think, I'd have been ecstatic ...except for the gazillion loads of laundry I was planning on doing at naptime (from week vacation, FOR week vacation) - whilst the pistols were out of my hair napping.
Nevertheless, I got over myself and welcomed my new set of Electrolux front loaders... (having quickly decluttered and delentified the laundry room in 20 minutes). I didn't pick the things, had no idea what they were capable of, didn't even ask for the suckers, BUT DAMNNNNNN I THINK I'M GONNA ENJOY LAUNDRY A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT MORE!!!
All was bliss until later in the evening ...I'm out with a girlfriend having cocktails and dinner ...Dr. Teats, home with pistols - TEXTS me..."WHERE DID YOU PUT THE CLOTHES THAT WERE IN THE DRYER?"
I laughed out loud and responded: "I checked the washer, not the dryer ... sorry!!! OOPS. Guess the clothes are on their way to habitat for humanity with the washer and dryer.... haha"
I got no LOL reply back...I'm just saying. I've told you he doesn't think I'm funny.
Lucky for me, (and Dr. Teats) MR-APPLIANCE-GUY had already intercepted them and they were nicely folded and in a box.
I'm such a freaking awesome wife ... a) Dr. Teats does his own laundry and b) Dr. Teats surprises me with new washer and dryer and I don't even bother to check to see if he's left clothes from his laundry run the night before ...c) IT ALL MAKES ME LAUGH!!! hahahaha. Horrid, horrid, horrid wife, and thus, I SUCK. (and evidently am going to be doing more of it having just received some RAD appliances...:) )
Cheers to Electrolux, (and sucking.)
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I SAID IT ON MY FACEBOOK STATUS
...and I'll say it again ... and again, b/c I'm in that much agony...
With your "foam roll up" and "small sweat towel" ...you should be handed a vicodin at local gym while participating in PILATES.
F...! SERIOUSLY. I'M DYING. WHO KNEW? Well, except for Jennifer Aniston ... I now totally get her ridiculous body and all the WORK that went into it. How on earth was I under the impression that Pilates was a little stretching class for an hour and you come out of there looking like a sculpted goddess???
I woke up this morning and had to ask myself, "wait, did I deliver a 10 lb 2 oz pistol yesterday...or is this EXCRUCIATING PAIN FROM THAT PILATES CLASS?" Well - turns out, this pain, TRUMPS the delivery of said 10 lb 2 oz pistol... Well, let's be honest...pilates doesn't really effect the parts of my body that required LAYERS AND LAYERS OF DERMAPLAST... but that's another blog...but I digress. PILATES, KICKED, MY FREAKING, LARD, ASS.
You know when you're in a class - and there are mirrors all around, and they SAY they're to help you make sure you're assuming the correct posture and form... WELL I CALL BULLSHIT. I say, it's so mocha drinkin' mommas like yours truly, can look over in the mirror, in SHEER PAIN, feeling like they're tighting every last inch of existing flab in their body ... ONLY TO DISCOVER, THE MUFFIN, IS HANGING, LIMP, LIKE A FLOUR SACK FROM MY PERFECTLY POSITIONED 'PISSY PUSSY CAT' (OR WHATEVER THEY CALL IT) POSE ...
OH MY LAWD. DEEEEE-sgusting. It was like a train wreck...I didn't want to look at it as it was making me feel sick...but I couldn't look away - it was the craziest shape the muffin has ever contorted to... I prefer the muffin looking like a muffin...I mean if it's gonna be a muffin top, then, look like a muffin top, not like a 25 lb tub of lard hanging from my middle ...
If this was supposed to be motivating? NEWSFLASH... IT WASN'T. It was horrifying... the muffin was way bigger and limper than I thought it was ..
GUESS I GOTTA GET ME SOME SPANX FOR PILATES CLASS.
Can I cuss now? F F F F F. I hurt. My neck hurts, my arms hurt, my sides ache, my back hurts, my quads hurt, my ASS hurts ... It is official pilates instructor lady, the lactic acid has officially built up in my glutes and I'M ON FIRE.
SOMEBODY GET ME A G.D. VICODIN ALREADY!!! Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus for a certain Gall Bladder Surgery and not polishing all of my pain killers off at once. I KNEW I'd need those blasted pills for a rainy day...D day.
TODAY IS D DAY... DAMNTHATPILATESCLASSSUCKEDMORETHANLABOR day.
Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to pop a pill I go ...
With your "foam roll up" and "small sweat towel" ...you should be handed a vicodin at local gym while participating in PILATES.
F...! SERIOUSLY. I'M DYING. WHO KNEW? Well, except for Jennifer Aniston ... I now totally get her ridiculous body and all the WORK that went into it. How on earth was I under the impression that Pilates was a little stretching class for an hour and you come out of there looking like a sculpted goddess???
I woke up this morning and had to ask myself, "wait, did I deliver a 10 lb 2 oz pistol yesterday...or is this EXCRUCIATING PAIN FROM THAT PILATES CLASS?" Well - turns out, this pain, TRUMPS the delivery of said 10 lb 2 oz pistol... Well, let's be honest...pilates doesn't really effect the parts of my body that required LAYERS AND LAYERS OF DERMAPLAST... but that's another blog...but I digress. PILATES, KICKED, MY FREAKING, LARD, ASS.
You know when you're in a class - and there are mirrors all around, and they SAY they're to help you make sure you're assuming the correct posture and form... WELL I CALL BULLSHIT. I say, it's so mocha drinkin' mommas like yours truly, can look over in the mirror, in SHEER PAIN, feeling like they're tighting every last inch of existing flab in their body ... ONLY TO DISCOVER, THE MUFFIN, IS HANGING, LIMP, LIKE A FLOUR SACK FROM MY PERFECTLY POSITIONED 'PISSY PUSSY CAT' (OR WHATEVER THEY CALL IT) POSE ...
OH MY LAWD. DEEEEE-sgusting. It was like a train wreck...I didn't want to look at it as it was making me feel sick...but I couldn't look away - it was the craziest shape the muffin has ever contorted to... I prefer the muffin looking like a muffin...I mean if it's gonna be a muffin top, then, look like a muffin top, not like a 25 lb tub of lard hanging from my middle ...
If this was supposed to be motivating? NEWSFLASH... IT WASN'T. It was horrifying... the muffin was way bigger and limper than I thought it was ..
GUESS I GOTTA GET ME SOME SPANX FOR PILATES CLASS.
Can I cuss now? F F F F F. I hurt. My neck hurts, my arms hurt, my sides ache, my back hurts, my quads hurt, my ASS hurts ... It is official pilates instructor lady, the lactic acid has officially built up in my glutes and I'M ON FIRE.
SOMEBODY GET ME A G.D. VICODIN ALREADY!!! Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus for a certain Gall Bladder Surgery and not polishing all of my pain killers off at once. I KNEW I'd need those blasted pills for a rainy day...D day.
TODAY IS D DAY... DAMNTHATPILATESCLASSSUCKEDMORETHANLABOR day.
Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to pop a pill I go ...
Monday, July 20, 2009
A friend loves at all times...
...and she, my dear friend, AS THE WIFE OF MR-APPLIANCE-GUY, (WHO IS ALSO A GOOD FRIEND AND HATES MY WHITE, THEY.WERE.THERE.WHEN.WE.MOVED.IN APPLIANCES...) WHEN DR. TEATS GETS THE ITCH TO REPLACE THE FRIDGE, WASHER AND DRYER ... SUGGESTS THE ELECTROLUX FRIDGE, AND W/D FOR HER HUBBY TO SUGGEST TO DR TEATS (B/C THAT'S WHAT BESTIE-WIFE-OF-MR-APPLIANCE-GUY HAS OF COURSE...) - YOU KNOW - THE KING DING DONG KELLY RIPPA BRAND THAT IS FREAKING AWESOME ... THE BRAND OF MY DRY VAC...B/C THAT'S THE ONLY PIECE OF THAT LINE I CAN AFFORD WITHOUT BLOWING UP BIG DADDY'S AMEX ...
AND SHE ALSO SUGGESTS ...
that now I just need to find a way to break my stove.
Sweet Jesus - does she LOVE ME? She loves me...at all times, she loves me. What a friend huh?
AND THIS IS WHY I LOVE HER. (besides the fact that she is photographer extraordinaire... she takes the most awesome pictures of my pistols and my family and airbrushes me to look thin and beautiful with white teeth even though you all know I have the biggest muffin top in Cali... and my teeth, well, they're straight, but 132,000 mochas later...not-so-white anymore)
AND WHY DO I LOVE HER HUBBY? MR-APPLIANCE-GUY?
Because upon asking bestie to ask mr-appliance-guy how exactly I can break said stove ...she responds via text (b/c that's how we roll)...
***I just asked and he just sort of looked at me dumbfounded...then the eyes rolled to the top right ...(means deep thought ...) and he said "without burning down the house or making it obvious, sorry, no."***
DO WE LOVE HIM? YES, WE ADORE HIM. HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT. DAMNNNNNN. HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT ... THAT JUST ROCKS! AND YOU KNOW HOW SICK I AM RIGHT?
SOOO, IF I BURN DOWN THE HOUSE, DOES THAT MEAN I CAN GET A NEW STOVE, ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD A NEW HOUSE???? GIDDY UP! WE MIGHT JUST BE ON TO SOMETHING HERE MR-APPLIANCE-GUY!!!
where is the devil face and horns on this damn keyboard?
AND SHE ALSO SUGGESTS ...
that now I just need to find a way to break my stove.
Sweet Jesus - does she LOVE ME? She loves me...at all times, she loves me. What a friend huh?
AND THIS IS WHY I LOVE HER. (besides the fact that she is photographer extraordinaire... she takes the most awesome pictures of my pistols and my family and airbrushes me to look thin and beautiful with white teeth even though you all know I have the biggest muffin top in Cali... and my teeth, well, they're straight, but 132,000 mochas later...not-so-white anymore)
AND WHY DO I LOVE HER HUBBY? MR-APPLIANCE-GUY?
Because upon asking bestie to ask mr-appliance-guy how exactly I can break said stove ...she responds via text (b/c that's how we roll)...
***I just asked and he just sort of looked at me dumbfounded...then the eyes rolled to the top right ...(means deep thought ...) and he said "without burning down the house or making it obvious, sorry, no."***
DO WE LOVE HIM? YES, WE ADORE HIM. HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT. DAMNNNNNN. HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT ... THAT JUST ROCKS! AND YOU KNOW HOW SICK I AM RIGHT?
SOOO, IF I BURN DOWN THE HOUSE, DOES THAT MEAN I CAN GET A NEW STOVE, ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD A NEW HOUSE???? GIDDY UP! WE MIGHT JUST BE ON TO SOMETHING HERE MR-APPLIANCE-GUY!!!
where is the devil face and horns on this damn keyboard?
Summertime .... is sooooo confusing!
So I always thought, summer vacation meant slowing down, relaxing, sleeping in a bit longer, not being so rushed to go - go - go ...WTF WAS I EVER THINKING? First summer after my kid finishes round 1 of preschool at age 3 (now 4) I hit the ground running one day after she's done with preschool and I haven't stopped - not even long enough to blog? Let alone READ the blogs I love. I have facebooked, but that's b/c I can do it from my Iphone. I fear blogging from the iphone b/c if big daddy caught me in this blog...OH SWEET JESUS HE MIGHT JUST KILL ME! :) The tales I've told, albeit true, still tales.
I guess it's this guilt factor coming over me...to just make sure my girlies have great memories like I have...but then, I got to thinking, what in the hell am I doing ...come next April, a 4 yr old is going to be bitching and moaning about how much she hates school ... and can't wait for summer ... and ALL OF THE THINGS WE'RE GOING TO DO ALL.SUMMER.LONG.
SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. I really bit the dust on this one didn't I. What I SHOULD have done is made the summer SUCK, with the high light, a big day at RollerTowne ...thrown in some fuzzy balls for the skates, er ehm, they probably don't have those anymore do they ... a snow cone and called it good. A big day should have been the sprinklers, or an ice cream truck. RIGHT? Instead we've been to the movies, to the beach 4 times, the cabin for a week, the lake, watched every version of highschool musical 78 times each, had play dates, and popsicles for lunch, and stayed up late...
I may, have created, monsters. (Like they weren't already monsters - let's be honest.)
I can already see August 16th ...LIVINGFREAKINGNIGHTMARE ...4 year old who was so sad for school to be out, is going to go into her new room kicking and screaming ... pissed at the world... because summer is officially OVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR and her life is AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWFUL!
So, here I am ...having figured it out ... I do fortunately or unfortunately have one more week trip planned boating at the lake ...can't get out of it...damn. Gonna have to suffer through it with my girls getting that much more jacked up. But until then a few days of making up for lost time, and simmering things down here a little bit in the world of teats, mochas and pistols ... making the days a little less fun, and a LOT MORE BORING, so that school is LOOKIN' GOOD A MONTH FROM NOW.
Now to go catch up on my favorite bloggers ...
I guess it's this guilt factor coming over me...to just make sure my girlies have great memories like I have...but then, I got to thinking, what in the hell am I doing ...come next April, a 4 yr old is going to be bitching and moaning about how much she hates school ... and can't wait for summer ... and ALL OF THE THINGS WE'RE GOING TO DO ALL.SUMMER.LONG.
SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. I really bit the dust on this one didn't I. What I SHOULD have done is made the summer SUCK, with the high light, a big day at RollerTowne ...thrown in some fuzzy balls for the skates, er ehm, they probably don't have those anymore do they ... a snow cone and called it good. A big day should have been the sprinklers, or an ice cream truck. RIGHT? Instead we've been to the movies, to the beach 4 times, the cabin for a week, the lake, watched every version of highschool musical 78 times each, had play dates, and popsicles for lunch, and stayed up late...
I may, have created, monsters. (Like they weren't already monsters - let's be honest.)
I can already see August 16th ...LIVINGFREAKINGNIGHTMARE ...4 year old who was so sad for school to be out, is going to go into her new room kicking and screaming ... pissed at the world... because summer is officially OVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR and her life is AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWFUL!
So, here I am ...having figured it out ... I do fortunately or unfortunately have one more week trip planned boating at the lake ...can't get out of it...damn. Gonna have to suffer through it with my girls getting that much more jacked up. But until then a few days of making up for lost time, and simmering things down here a little bit in the world of teats, mochas and pistols ... making the days a little less fun, and a LOT MORE BORING, so that school is LOOKIN' GOOD A MONTH FROM NOW.
Now to go catch up on my favorite bloggers ...
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