So I was off to take the pistol to preschool this morning ... late as usual, no mocha yet, so I'm in a bit of a crabby mood ...but that was about to change. We're listening to the radio ... and goodness knows, as much as I wanted to be listening to Top 20 on my XM ... my husband had been driving the car the night before and had it on "The Message" (the Christian station) - God love him, we were on our way from taking dinner to some friends and had the pistols with us, and I had it on top 20, and Katy Perry popped on and my husband changed it as fast as he could to "The Message" haha. He's afraid the pistols are going to kiss a girl and like it. Anyway - so this song comes on this morning - AWESOME worship song ..I'll admit it, I was singing ...and the eldest pistol shouts (b/c she as only one volume) "MOM, IS THIS JESUS SINGING?"
MF:"No, it's a guy singing about Jesus"
Pistol1: "No mom I'm pretty sure it's Jesus ..."
MF: "No sweet pea, it really is a guy that's just singing a song about how we need to worship Jesus."
Pistol1"Mom ... did you know sometimes Jesus sings with me in my room?"
MF: "Oh really ... what do you sing???"
Pistol1"How do I know???" (from Enchanted...) "Also mom, did you know he has his own room?"
MF: "Oh yah? Where is it?"
Pistol: "Behind the bathroom ...do you know what color his bed is?"
MF: "No ..is it white?"
Pistol: "no mom, MY bed is white - HIS is purple. And did you know Jesus likes to play too? And He lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvves my toys mom."
MF:"Which of your toys does he like best?"
Pistol:"My purple bear (this is a sparkly lavendar build a bear dressed in sleeping beauty attire)"
I cracked up. It made my day. How comforting (I think...) to know Jesus has a room in my house ... a little concerned also, that He thinks he needs to have his own space here - He obviously knows the momma of the house - well actually maybe He's here for big daddy - seriously - you know that old addage "If momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy ..." in our house ... "If Dr. Teats ain't happy ain't nobody happy..." So I'm hoping Jesus is here more for him that me. haha.
Now, if Jesus could just get rid of my 'lil pistol's night terrors - well I know He CAN ..I just wish He would think now was a good time to answer our prayers. The pistol informed me yesterday that if only her bed was PURPLE, then maybe she wouldn't be scared or get out of her bed ...
MY PRAYER FOR TODAY:
SWEET JESUS, OBVIOUSLY YOU LOVE PURPLE, LET'S GO TO POTTERY BARN ...NOW! DAMN IT. AMEN.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Five point Sunday ...(it is Sunday right?)
Five points about nothing much this fine Sunday afternoon:
1) I itch like a MF ... (thank you Monogram chic for pointing out my initials ... in this instance MF doesn't stand for Mocha Freak) ..I am dying - every last one of my seven incisions is ON FIRE...I'm perfectly fine with being a hot mess every once in awhile, but not THIS kind of hot mess - is it possible to be allergic to the little surgical tape they put over your incisions to heal them? CAH-RAP! Other than that however, a lovely recovery. haha.
2) It is NOT amusing when someone tells you the Starbucks closest to your house is closing Nov. 1 due to the economy... "eh heh ONLY JOKING" he says. What a jackass. I wanted to call him that to his face but I was at church....I still could have - I'm just saying ... he was, after all, one of my faithful volunteers... I NEED him. So I laughed ..."ha ha ha ..." as heartily as I could and then blamed the lack of enthusiasm on the lack of a gall bladder.
3) I called my dog 'sissy' yesterday ...SISSY - ARE YOU KIDDING - that is reserved for the PISTOLS, not dogs. Needless to say, THE DOGS WENT OUT. There is now a hole in the pool fence, the seeded grass that was not quite done is dug up, there is dog hair on my patio furniture (looks like Restoration Hardware for the price of Home depot furniture - still - way cuter without black lab dog hair) b/c the dogs got so cozy in the house they decided to make a home for themselves outside, and Dr. Teats, well, let's just say ... he's one TICKED OFF DUTCHMAN.
4) Thank you sweet BABY JESUS that Sportsman Warehouse opened last night ...just in time ..SIMMA DOWN NOW DR. TEATS ...
5) I'm sure you're all hoping for a positive MF (that's mocha freak, THIS time...) in the days to come ...she's in here somewhere...I promise.
1) I itch like a MF ... (thank you Monogram chic for pointing out my initials ... in this instance MF doesn't stand for Mocha Freak) ..I am dying - every last one of my seven incisions is ON FIRE...I'm perfectly fine with being a hot mess every once in awhile, but not THIS kind of hot mess - is it possible to be allergic to the little surgical tape they put over your incisions to heal them? CAH-RAP! Other than that however, a lovely recovery. haha.
2) It is NOT amusing when someone tells you the Starbucks closest to your house is closing Nov. 1 due to the economy... "eh heh ONLY JOKING" he says. What a jackass. I wanted to call him that to his face but I was at church....I still could have - I'm just saying ... he was, after all, one of my faithful volunteers... I NEED him. So I laughed ..."ha ha ha ..." as heartily as I could and then blamed the lack of enthusiasm on the lack of a gall bladder.
3) I called my dog 'sissy' yesterday ...SISSY - ARE YOU KIDDING - that is reserved for the PISTOLS, not dogs. Needless to say, THE DOGS WENT OUT. There is now a hole in the pool fence, the seeded grass that was not quite done is dug up, there is dog hair on my patio furniture (looks like Restoration Hardware for the price of Home depot furniture - still - way cuter without black lab dog hair) b/c the dogs got so cozy in the house they decided to make a home for themselves outside, and Dr. Teats, well, let's just say ... he's one TICKED OFF DUTCHMAN.
4) Thank you sweet BABY JESUS that Sportsman Warehouse opened last night ...just in time ..SIMMA DOWN NOW DR. TEATS ...
5) I'm sure you're all hoping for a positive MF (that's mocha freak, THIS time...) in the days to come ...she's in here somewhere...I promise.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Can I just tell you ... I have an annoying neighbor, a hilarious 3 year old, a dog with a smelly booty and a HUGE STOMACH AFTER THE FREAKING AWESOME CHICKEN ENCHILADAS MY GIRLFRIEND DROPPED OFF TODAY? CRAP. (crap is right ...I'm so screwed later, and not screwed in a good way, screwed in a sit on the toilet with a bowl on my lap sort of way ...as I type, a large, red, plastic popcorn bowl sits on the tank of the toilet - JUST IN CASE.) But the good news is girls ... I had a mocha today baby, and I had it in a VERY, very cute preppy travel mug...was I traveling anywhere? Only from the couch, to the kitchen, to the front lawn (you can do the math after reading on ...) to the toity, to the couch again ...and boy I didn't look cute, BUT MY MOCHA DID.
1) Queen of the culdesac (looky-loo-Lucy, Rubber-necky-Becky ..you all have one in your life ...) - made her way over to see why when she rang my door bell at 2:30 in the afternoon one day past said surgery and the dogs started barking wildly (see post about outdoor dogs indoors due to reseeding backyard) and Mochafreaksmomma went BALLISTIC ON HER ABOUT COMING BACK TO BEG FOR JOG-A-THON MONEY NEXT WEEK ..MOCHAFREAK JUST HAD SURGERY AND IS TRYING TO SLEEP AS ARE LIL PISTOLS - it IS 2:30 IN THE AFTERNOON AFTER ALL...so I explain to QOTCDS - with as little detail as I am able. Her mission is now accomplished ...she's GOT to go ... even has the nerve to apologize for her greasy hair and what she looks like ... haha - I should show you a picture of what I LOOKED like but then you'd be throwing up with me and there is really no need for that tonight. One of us is enough. Who knows you may have had da-lish-ous chicken enchiladas too and what a shame it would be to toss them.
2) Dr. Teats informs me today that the 3 year old barreled into his room last night at midnight (I'm still on the sectional ladies ...propped up and loving it ...as it means Chelsey Lately cackling at 11:30 with NO dirty looks or growls ...) So big daddy has told Pistol #1 that while mommy doesn't feel good - if she has an issue - it's ok to come bug him - in otherwords, march march march (can you picture it?) right past mommy from one side of the house, (pistols bedrooms) to the OTHER side of the house (our bedroom) family room in the middle where mommy has parked her not-as-fat-as-last-wednesday-arse for a few days. So she marched alright RIGHT PAST ME and proceeds to bark at him "DADDY, MOVE OVER." he goes "What do you mean move over, No, what's wrong?" She barks "Daddy - I want to get in bed move over ..." (another little side note - this is VERY out of the ordinary for us - rule in our house - no pistols in daddy's bed - mommy doesn't mind but he just doesn't go for that ... NOT EVEN WHEN BREASTFEEDING - WHICH IS A WHOLE "NOTHER" POST ...which makes this even funnier )... so he says " Why???" (totally annoyed) and she says "DADDYY PUH-LEASE - BECAUSE IT'S ALREADY WARMED UP WHERE YOU ARE!!! MOOOOOVE ALREADY!" Ok it makes me LOL again just typing it ... I LOVE that he moved over to the other side, they both slept like champs, which means MOMMA DID TOO. (RARITY AROUND HERE ...whoo hoo!)
3) I'm totally done with these dogs in the house ...(10 more days Lord help me )... Lola-rotten-crotch sent me over the edge this morning at 4:30am. She is WAY worse than the Dutch-oven... (when Dr. Teats lifts the sheets in the morning and wipes me out ...)
4)Do I even need to address the chicken enchilada casserole ...I think I've said enough. :)
5) My TGEWM tasted EXTRA delicioso (yes we watch Dora) in my new personalized in chocolate and turquoise preppy travel mug designed by the one and only MONOGRAMCHICK ...love it girl ... see her great stuff at www.monogramchick.com She can make a girl feel rockin', even when she's havin' a not-so-rockin'-day. ;)
Time for a Vicodin ...
Hugs,
Mochafreak
1) Queen of the culdesac (looky-loo-Lucy, Rubber-necky-Becky ..you all have one in your life ...) - made her way over to see why when she rang my door bell at 2:30 in the afternoon one day past said surgery and the dogs started barking wildly (see post about outdoor dogs indoors due to reseeding backyard) and Mochafreaksmomma went BALLISTIC ON HER ABOUT COMING BACK TO BEG FOR JOG-A-THON MONEY NEXT WEEK ..MOCHAFREAK JUST HAD SURGERY AND IS TRYING TO SLEEP AS ARE LIL PISTOLS - it IS 2:30 IN THE AFTERNOON AFTER ALL...so I explain to QOTCDS - with as little detail as I am able. Her mission is now accomplished ...she's GOT to go ... even has the nerve to apologize for her greasy hair and what she looks like ... haha - I should show you a picture of what I LOOKED like but then you'd be throwing up with me and there is really no need for that tonight. One of us is enough. Who knows you may have had da-lish-ous chicken enchiladas too and what a shame it would be to toss them.
2) Dr. Teats informs me today that the 3 year old barreled into his room last night at midnight (I'm still on the sectional ladies ...propped up and loving it ...as it means Chelsey Lately cackling at 11:30 with NO dirty looks or growls ...) So big daddy has told Pistol #1 that while mommy doesn't feel good - if she has an issue - it's ok to come bug him - in otherwords, march march march (can you picture it?) right past mommy from one side of the house, (pistols bedrooms) to the OTHER side of the house (our bedroom) family room in the middle where mommy has parked her not-as-fat-as-last-wednesday-arse for a few days. So she marched alright RIGHT PAST ME and proceeds to bark at him "DADDY, MOVE OVER." he goes "What do you mean move over, No, what's wrong?" She barks "Daddy - I want to get in bed move over ..." (another little side note - this is VERY out of the ordinary for us - rule in our house - no pistols in daddy's bed - mommy doesn't mind but he just doesn't go for that ... NOT EVEN WHEN BREASTFEEDING - WHICH IS A WHOLE "NOTHER" POST ...which makes this even funnier )... so he says " Why???" (totally annoyed) and she says "DADDYY PUH-LEASE - BECAUSE IT'S ALREADY WARMED UP WHERE YOU ARE!!! MOOOOOVE ALREADY!" Ok it makes me LOL again just typing it ... I LOVE that he moved over to the other side, they both slept like champs, which means MOMMA DID TOO. (RARITY AROUND HERE ...whoo hoo!)
3) I'm totally done with these dogs in the house ...(10 more days Lord help me )... Lola-rotten-crotch sent me over the edge this morning at 4:30am. She is WAY worse than the Dutch-oven... (when Dr. Teats lifts the sheets in the morning and wipes me out ...)
4)Do I even need to address the chicken enchilada casserole ...I think I've said enough. :)
5) My TGEWM tasted EXTRA delicioso (yes we watch Dora) in my new personalized in chocolate and turquoise preppy travel mug designed by the one and only MONOGRAMCHICK ...love it girl ... see her great stuff at www.monogramchick.com She can make a girl feel rockin', even when she's havin' a not-so-rockin'-day. ;)
Time for a Vicodin ...
Hugs,
Mochafreak
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
"But ..."
Well, Dr. Teats has redeemed himself, doing laundry, bringing my mochas, CLEANING THE KITCHEN (well kinda),taking great care of the little pistols. Butttttttttt, (isn't there ALWAYS A BUT?) this morning he about punched a hole in the wall. Here is what went down ...he'd just arrived home from dropping off the oldest pistol at preschool (thank you Jesus for preschool) , two steaming coffees in hand ...he'd already handed me mine and then went back to get his and the lil pistol, so he sets the lil pistol down on the floor, and around the corner with excitement tears Lola the VERY large Boxer ... knocks the baby into the wall, Dr. Teats Venti Coffee goes flying everywhere ... baby screaming (huge goose egg on her head poor thing), dog running for her life, Dr. Teats shaking with RAGE and anger, with baby screaming in his arms ... part hurt part terrified I'm sure, as was I ...
Meanwhile, I'm lounging in my assumed position in corner wedge of sectional, sipping my triple grande extra whip mocha ... and calmly ask ..."hey ... want me to make you some coffee?" He replies as he sits the crying baby next to me and hits a wall REALLY hard and may or may not have dropped F bomb on his way back to clean up the coffee ..."THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!! I HAVE NO COFFEE LEFT ... THAT DAMN DOG DUMPED THE WHOLE THING ..."
I thought that was the point, he had no coffee, so I was gonna make him some, I'm just sayin' ....
On another note, he just brought me in a card from Coach, it says "$50 off your purchase of $150 or more" ...I told him I'd get right on that ...he said "don't say I never gave you anything ..." Guess he's simmered down ... too bad the coffee never had a chance to ...(I'd belly laugh but it still hurts.)
Meanwhile, I'm lounging in my assumed position in corner wedge of sectional, sipping my triple grande extra whip mocha ... and calmly ask ..."hey ... want me to make you some coffee?" He replies as he sits the crying baby next to me and hits a wall REALLY hard and may or may not have dropped F bomb on his way back to clean up the coffee ..."THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!! I HAVE NO COFFEE LEFT ... THAT DAMN DOG DUMPED THE WHOLE THING ..."
I thought that was the point, he had no coffee, so I was gonna make him some, I'm just sayin' ....
On another note, he just brought me in a card from Coach, it says "$50 off your purchase of $150 or more" ...I told him I'd get right on that ...he said "don't say I never gave you anything ..." Guess he's simmered down ... too bad the coffee never had a chance to ...(I'd belly laugh but it still hurts.)
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Mocha in a tube ...(I'll take it anyway I can get it ...)
Well girlfriends, I am one gall bladder short, 3 hernias repaired, and whooped up on Vidodin ...so the way I see it ... life is pretty good because in theory, based on the size of the gall stone the surgeon saved for me, that looks like two skittles melted together, (this was only one of MANY) I ought to be about 10lbs lighter, my gutt should now be flatter as the hernias are no longer bulging my stomach out, and did I mention I'm whooped up on Vicodin? Again - I think things are looking good....
I also must note, one of my BFF's who we'll refer to as "The Diva" is the best cook - and she came over to fuss over me and the pistols last night since Dr. Teats was out of town ... she showed up with an extrawhip mocha for yours truly, she made the most delicious rigatoni I've ever had (that's my fave) not to mention baking Halloween cookies with my pistol, making another casserole which went into the freezer for later, a home made peach cobbler ...and garlic/butter sourdough bread ... WOW ... my house smelled better than it ever has ... I told her I'd see her same time next Friday. Damn what a great night. Oh - and she brought me a copy of People, Us and Redbook? Does she ROCK???? Yes, yes she does.
I have stories about the surgery experience, but better wait til I'm clear headed so as not to offend anyone ... but I'll torment you with the fact that my anesthesiologist was Dr. Ding, she was about 40, cute as can be, glasses, came in in her scrubs, little hat, with her black nine west purse on her shoulder, and the first thing she said to me was "GOOOD MOH-NING ... I COME TO GIVE YOU HAPPPPPPPPPY MEDICINE ...I BET YOU NOT HAVE YOU STAWBUCKS YET ...I GIVE YOU STAWBUCKS IN TWO MINUTES ....MMMMM STAWBUCKS - I PUT IN YOH I.V.!!!!" I was laughing so hard I would have peed the bed if I hadn't just peed in a cup ... she made the whole crappy morning so much better. :)
Anyway - thanks for the prayers - I was well taken care of and all went well.
Mochafreak
p.s. - Dr Teats rolled in from his hunting trip at 1:30pm today ... he was happy to report he shot THREE, (yes you read that correctly) ...THREE DUCKS. More on that tomorrow ...first we have to see how tonight unfolds because I'm pretty sure I'll have more material. Hopefully you won't read about us in the papers tomorrow morning ....
I also must note, one of my BFF's who we'll refer to as "The Diva" is the best cook - and she came over to fuss over me and the pistols last night since Dr. Teats was out of town ... she showed up with an extrawhip mocha for yours truly, she made the most delicious rigatoni I've ever had (that's my fave) not to mention baking Halloween cookies with my pistol, making another casserole which went into the freezer for later, a home made peach cobbler ...and garlic/butter sourdough bread ... WOW ... my house smelled better than it ever has ... I told her I'd see her same time next Friday. Damn what a great night. Oh - and she brought me a copy of People, Us and Redbook? Does she ROCK???? Yes, yes she does.
I have stories about the surgery experience, but better wait til I'm clear headed so as not to offend anyone ... but I'll torment you with the fact that my anesthesiologist was Dr. Ding, she was about 40, cute as can be, glasses, came in in her scrubs, little hat, with her black nine west purse on her shoulder, and the first thing she said to me was "GOOOD MOH-NING ... I COME TO GIVE YOU HAPPPPPPPPPY MEDICINE ...I BET YOU NOT HAVE YOU STAWBUCKS YET ...I GIVE YOU STAWBUCKS IN TWO MINUTES ....MMMMM STAWBUCKS - I PUT IN YOH I.V.!!!!" I was laughing so hard I would have peed the bed if I hadn't just peed in a cup ... she made the whole crappy morning so much better. :)
Anyway - thanks for the prayers - I was well taken care of and all went well.
Mochafreak
p.s. - Dr Teats rolled in from his hunting trip at 1:30pm today ... he was happy to report he shot THREE, (yes you read that correctly) ...THREE DUCKS. More on that tomorrow ...first we have to see how tonight unfolds because I'm pretty sure I'll have more material. Hopefully you won't read about us in the papers tomorrow morning ....
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Good News in the Drive Thru!
Just a follow up on the last post ...Dr. Teats just called for two reasons ...1) he wanted to let me know that his work today is up north - within miles of his duck blind ...and there are DUCKS EVERYWHERE, so he's really excited about hunting this weekend, and I quote "that is, if everything goes well and I can ACTUALLY go hunting ..." and 2) That a dear friend of ours, was in front of him at 5:30 in Starbucks drive thru this morning ... she bought his coffee, then pulled forward far enough to let him pull up to the window and wait for his coffee, jumped out of her car, and wanted him to know that gall bladder surgery is serious business, and they say it's all an easy recovery but that I'd better take it easy ...and to please call her if I needed anything (totally sincere) BUT, THAT SHE'D LOST 12 lbs as a result ... Dr. Teats couldn't have been more elated at that news ... Bless her heart - she's trying to throw me a bone, even bought his dang coffee to get his attention, and he misses the ENTIRE POINT. Dare I refer back to a certain 'bird on point' ...because that's about what I'm thinkin' girlfriends ....
Cheers ...and if I write something tomorrow, it would be safe to say I'll be doped up so don't take me too seriously ...
Cheers ...and if I write something tomorrow, it would be safe to say I'll be doped up so don't take me too seriously ...
Lord Bless This Mess ....
Every night (well those that he is home haha) after Dr. Teats says grace before dinner ...(yes, we pray in our family ... and you're all thinking LORD KNOWS SHE NEEDS IT ...) the Pistol 1 says "Lord Bless, this food and drink, for Jesus' sake, AMEN!" She does not say it with conviction, however she says it with zest. Clearly, Mochafreak didn't teach it to her, I'd be teaching her some chant like, "STARBUCKS RULES, FOR MOMMY'S SAKE, AND DADDY'S, OH AND OUR SAKE TOO, AMEN." I think Dr. Teats must have chanted this little prayer when he was a little Dutch boy just before he went out to milk cows and feed the calves ... so he thinks it's cute to have his pistols do it to. He's all about routine, I, on the other hand, AM NOT. I'm more of a, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-big-girl-pants kind of chick.
So this is what I'm thinking last night as my pistol is rolling her eyes, flipping her hair back and forth nearly throwing herself off of the barstool ... and doing her 'heart felt' prayer ... how 'bout a "LORD BLESS THIS MESS of a mom I have!" ...as we had egg sandwiches for dinner, (gross), the house is a mess, I'm a mess (showered but that's as good as it got), our huge boxer and black lab are in the house because the back yard is getting seeded and they can't be outside for 3 weeks, and I'm WIPED out ... not for any good reason necessarily - I think it's that "overwhelmed" feeling, because I know I need to get this MESS cleaned up before tomorrow ... when I have that pain in the arse gall bladder and the stones that come with it removed (and the added bonus of a hernia repair at the same time) ... b/c chances are - someone will DROP in other than my loving momma who doesn't judge her mess of a daughter ... and I don't want to be embarrassed. All I really want to do today is go buy two new cute lounge outfits for the next few days ...haha. I know you know what I'm talking about ...somehow recovery always feels better when you feel cute. :)
Two points of interest:
1) surgery is on Thursday, guess who's going to his duck blind located 2 hours away Friday (spending the night) and Saturday? It is opening of Duck Season after all ...
2)Ask me how much food I have in my pantry and fridge? (reference egg sandwiches for dinner last night....)
CRAP. Do ya think I had better stop whining and get my butt in gear? Ha. I still think I'm blessed, mess and all.
Have a good day, and my the Good Lord bless your mess too ...:)
So this is what I'm thinking last night as my pistol is rolling her eyes, flipping her hair back and forth nearly throwing herself off of the barstool ... and doing her 'heart felt' prayer ... how 'bout a "LORD BLESS THIS MESS of a mom I have!" ...as we had egg sandwiches for dinner, (gross), the house is a mess, I'm a mess (showered but that's as good as it got), our huge boxer and black lab are in the house because the back yard is getting seeded and they can't be outside for 3 weeks, and I'm WIPED out ... not for any good reason necessarily - I think it's that "overwhelmed" feeling, because I know I need to get this MESS cleaned up before tomorrow ... when I have that pain in the arse gall bladder and the stones that come with it removed (and the added bonus of a hernia repair at the same time) ... b/c chances are - someone will DROP in other than my loving momma who doesn't judge her mess of a daughter ... and I don't want to be embarrassed. All I really want to do today is go buy two new cute lounge outfits for the next few days ...haha. I know you know what I'm talking about ...somehow recovery always feels better when you feel cute. :)
Two points of interest:
1) surgery is on Thursday, guess who's going to his duck blind located 2 hours away Friday (spending the night) and Saturday? It is opening of Duck Season after all ...
2)Ask me how much food I have in my pantry and fridge? (reference egg sandwiches for dinner last night....)
CRAP. Do ya think I had better stop whining and get my butt in gear? Ha. I still think I'm blessed, mess and all.
Have a good day, and my the Good Lord bless your mess too ...:)
Monday, October 13, 2008
Love Sh(n)ack Baby!
Alright, so ...crazy, CRAZY weekend ...(but I won't spare you with those details - YET ...) anyway - I lie down on the couch late after a nutty day... and I get a whiff of myself ... (that in itself is a funny statement but it's not going where you think it's going ...) Sisters, I smell DA-LISH-OUS ... (that's 'delicious' for you teachers I know read this crap...). So, Dr. Teats has been SO freaking into me lately, which, let's be honest he's ALWAYS into me, but EXTRA... to the point where it's a litttttttle fishy ... I mean he's clearly been GONE A LOT LATELY ...so I'm all for it, but I couldn't put a finger on it. For the love - I'm trompin' around in lounge pants, a baggy sweatshirt, hair in a pony with the headband goin' - ain't NOTHIN' sexy about that gettup. Now - back to the whiff - so seriously ... do you know what I smell like? Sit down ... and prepare yourselves for this ... I always thought men liked the something else - wasn't sure what - the chocolately musky smell, or the ocean smell, or the floral smell - or lately it's been the BERRY smell, and well, quite frankly I was GETTING CLOSE with the V.S. Love Spell - but girls SCRAP ALL OF THAT ...I SMELLED LIKE KETTLE CORN ...K-E-T-T-L-E C-O-R-N (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?) why does that figure? HE loves cows ... he deals with cow feed every day ... put a little sugar on a little corn and DAMN SKIPPY OF COURSE HE LOVES IT.
Anyway - it's called Vanille and I got it at Anthropologie because it smelled like VA-NIL-LA, not Kettle Corn ... however, on me, AFTER A LONG SWEATY DAY ...it smells like KETTLE CORN, Dr. Teats clearly loves it ...therefore, it's a keeper.
Who knew making myself smell like a tasty shnack would get Dr. Teats all wound up ...? Whatever works ladies, whatever works ... forget the song Love Shack ...it's Love Shnack in my house.
Until tomorrow, unless my Gall Bladder Ruptures first ...
Anyway - it's called Vanille and I got it at Anthropologie because it smelled like VA-NIL-LA, not Kettle Corn ... however, on me, AFTER A LONG SWEATY DAY ...it smells like KETTLE CORN, Dr. Teats clearly loves it ...therefore, it's a keeper.
Who knew making myself smell like a tasty shnack would get Dr. Teats all wound up ...? Whatever works ladies, whatever works ... forget the song Love Shack ...it's Love Shnack in my house.
Until tomorrow, unless my Gall Bladder Ruptures first ...
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Connect the Dots ...
My most hilarious girlfriend (I have a few but this one takes the cake every time ...) - calls this morning and leaves me a voice message on my cell ...
"Oh puh-lease, why can't you answer the phone, is your 3 yr old playing connect the dots on your gall stones? (insert cackle cackle on her end and then...) So you're having gall bladder surgery huh? (cackle) ... I guess you've OFFICIALLY joined the fat, over 40 and white club! (insert another contageous cackle) ...Isn't that what gall stones are associated with anyhow? Fat, white, 40ish?" (some more cackles ...)
Sweet Jesus. I spit out my mocha. I just thought it was too hysterical not to share ...not like I'm going to forget ... how could I? Love her.
"Oh puh-lease, why can't you answer the phone, is your 3 yr old playing connect the dots on your gall stones? (insert cackle cackle on her end and then...) So you're having gall bladder surgery huh? (cackle) ... I guess you've OFFICIALLY joined the fat, over 40 and white club! (insert another contageous cackle) ...Isn't that what gall stones are associated with anyhow? Fat, white, 40ish?" (some more cackles ...)
Sweet Jesus. I spit out my mocha. I just thought it was too hysterical not to share ...not like I'm going to forget ... how could I? Love her.
My thoughtful BFF ...
My BFF just called to make my day ...she said that there are $100 worth of Starbucks gift cards for $79 Costco...could it be TRUE? If you'd like me to do the math on what that means to me ... Two Starbucks a day, at $4.00 is $240.00 a month (based on a 30 day month) ...so if even if I was only (ONLY, haha - now THAT'S funny) spending $200.00 a month ON STARBUCKS (yes, girls, it's the truth), I'd be saving (key word) $42 bucks a month just like that! Now I realize that the intent Costco has, is to create a savings on your GIFT GIVING THIS LOVELY HOLIDAY SEASON ... I say ...Merry Christmas TO ME ALL YEAR LONG BABY! The way I see it all ... is I've got another $50 (plus) bucks a month to blow at Target ... he he he. Thanks BFF. You're always looking out for me darlin'.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Throw me a bone (not the kind you're thinking of dirty girls ...)
Good Afternoon (the only reason I know it's afternoon is because I already did the preschool pick up ...):
Anyone reading this crap, get yourself settled in for another novela ...
Dr. Teats is out of state (don't everyone pass out all at once ...what a shocker huh?) again for a few days ... so you know I don't ever want to interrupt his sleep - it is VERY precious, and poor thing doesn't function very well when he hasn't had a good nights sleep (unlike all of the rest of you who love getting little sleep and still having to function the next day.) My concern for him is that especially on these frequent trips, he has a LOT of work to do, and I am quite certain that he spends all of his spare time in the airport working on his laptop, (as opposed to chillin' in bars drinking a Blue Moon and having a giant burger and watching ESPN) and of course making the most of his time in flight working as well (not watching an inflight movie or talking to the hot mess in seat 20A because she too, has very long legs and needs an exit row, who happens to be in the SAME line of work, totally relates to the crazy amount of travel and HAVING to be away from the family and what a sacrifice it is to provide ...bless her heart). So I just want to make sure that the nightly night terrors (no joke sisters) of the eldest pistol don't effect him. It is MY job after all ... (how 'bout a "bless my heart?")
Nevermind how the lack of sleep effects me (it's not obvious is it?)... I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THE ELDEST PISTOL TAKEN TO SCHOOL FOR ME AND A TGEW (TRIPLE GRANDE EXTRA WHIP) DELIVERED BACK TO ME WITHOUT GETTING DRESSED OR IN THE CAR ... got any ideas?
Cheese and rice, what is it with these chicks that show up in full hair and makeup, look as if they just took the car to the car wash, had a mani and pedi, had a cut, color and style minutes earlier, and are dressed to the nines. I'm running in and out of there with a baseball cap to cover my nappy arse naturally curly hair that no way in hell got flat ironed (let alone washed) this morning, and huge ass glasses ... jeans and something knit over a wife beater tank (b/c that's how I roll). What is the deal? Someone enlighten me ... I know these freakshows and they're not going to work ...they're going back home, (after they go through the Starbucks drive through in their shiney black escalades ...) and then home to turn on the Today Show, The View (or in my case Tevo'd Desperate Housewives from Sunday because you were busy 'taking care of business' while the show aired because it's the only night out of 9 you're hubby will be home.) I KNOW, because I'm behind them in Starbucks,(in my not-so-shiney-more practical WHITE SUV) and go home and do the same thing. Listen, it is what it is, I'm not going to sit here and tell you I pick up an energy boost, calorie burning Jamba Juice, or green tea, go to the gym, then go home and put the pot roast in and dust baseboards ...puh-lease. That is totally my dream ...but it's not reality in the life of Mocha Freak. The difference is, I don't go drink my coffee in my heels and boob-job revealing hussified top (I'm all for boob jobs by the way until they're being marketed), and denim skirt to the knees ... I go home in my cozies. I mean ... FOR CRYING OUT LOUD ... am I the only disaster? Is everyone else EN FUEGO and raring to go at 8am? Good grief.
Sidenote: In the spirit of presenting all sides and not being too dramatic, (which quite frankly is the way I'd prefer to write,) there are the very few that are in work out attire ... and really are on their way to the gym, and I can respect them ... as long as they arent skinny, with good hair or make up at 8:15am. haha. Cheers to all of you that this applies to ... rock on sisters, but I still think you suck.
Someone THROW ME A BONE here because I don't get it.
Needless to say ... I'm so tired today I didn't get a lick done - I just played with the baby pistol ... so I can't even send a "hell yeah, I rocked today" to Clemsongirl ... which is so humiliating.
But, did I enjoy my TGEWM? HELL YAH ... (that's for you cg.)
If you're lucky no posts til tomorrow ...we'll have to see how tonight goes ... (Lord help me.)
Anyone reading this crap, get yourself settled in for another novela ...
Dr. Teats is out of state (don't everyone pass out all at once ...what a shocker huh?) again for a few days ... so you know I don't ever want to interrupt his sleep - it is VERY precious, and poor thing doesn't function very well when he hasn't had a good nights sleep (unlike all of the rest of you who love getting little sleep and still having to function the next day.) My concern for him is that especially on these frequent trips, he has a LOT of work to do, and I am quite certain that he spends all of his spare time in the airport working on his laptop, (as opposed to chillin' in bars drinking a Blue Moon and having a giant burger and watching ESPN) and of course making the most of his time in flight working as well (not watching an inflight movie or talking to the hot mess in seat 20A because she too, has very long legs and needs an exit row, who happens to be in the SAME line of work, totally relates to the crazy amount of travel and HAVING to be away from the family and what a sacrifice it is to provide ...bless her heart). So I just want to make sure that the nightly night terrors (no joke sisters) of the eldest pistol don't effect him. It is MY job after all ... (how 'bout a "bless my heart?")
Nevermind how the lack of sleep effects me (it's not obvious is it?)... I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THE ELDEST PISTOL TAKEN TO SCHOOL FOR ME AND A TGEW (TRIPLE GRANDE EXTRA WHIP) DELIVERED BACK TO ME WITHOUT GETTING DRESSED OR IN THE CAR ... got any ideas?
Cheese and rice, what is it with these chicks that show up in full hair and makeup, look as if they just took the car to the car wash, had a mani and pedi, had a cut, color and style minutes earlier, and are dressed to the nines. I'm running in and out of there with a baseball cap to cover my nappy arse naturally curly hair that no way in hell got flat ironed (let alone washed) this morning, and huge ass glasses ... jeans and something knit over a wife beater tank (b/c that's how I roll). What is the deal? Someone enlighten me ... I know these freakshows and they're not going to work ...they're going back home, (after they go through the Starbucks drive through in their shiney black escalades ...) and then home to turn on the Today Show, The View (or in my case Tevo'd Desperate Housewives from Sunday because you were busy 'taking care of business' while the show aired because it's the only night out of 9 you're hubby will be home.) I KNOW, because I'm behind them in Starbucks,(in my not-so-shiney-more practical WHITE SUV) and go home and do the same thing. Listen, it is what it is, I'm not going to sit here and tell you I pick up an energy boost, calorie burning Jamba Juice, or green tea, go to the gym, then go home and put the pot roast in and dust baseboards ...puh-lease. That is totally my dream ...but it's not reality in the life of Mocha Freak. The difference is, I don't go drink my coffee in my heels and boob-job revealing hussified top (I'm all for boob jobs by the way until they're being marketed), and denim skirt to the knees ... I go home in my cozies. I mean ... FOR CRYING OUT LOUD ... am I the only disaster? Is everyone else EN FUEGO and raring to go at 8am? Good grief.
Sidenote: In the spirit of presenting all sides and not being too dramatic, (which quite frankly is the way I'd prefer to write,) there are the very few that are in work out attire ... and really are on their way to the gym, and I can respect them ... as long as they arent skinny, with good hair or make up at 8:15am. haha. Cheers to all of you that this applies to ... rock on sisters, but I still think you suck.
Someone THROW ME A BONE here because I don't get it.
Needless to say ... I'm so tired today I didn't get a lick done - I just played with the baby pistol ... so I can't even send a "hell yeah, I rocked today" to Clemsongirl ... which is so humiliating.
But, did I enjoy my TGEWM? HELL YAH ... (that's for you cg.)
If you're lucky no posts til tomorrow ...we'll have to see how tonight goes ... (Lord help me.)
Monday, October 6, 2008
Roast Beast
So, the 3 1/2 year old pistol ... has named the stuffed 'lion' that she requested on Dr. Teats last monthly "business trip" ... ARE YOU SITTING ....
'ROAST BEAST'
(why do I keep saying it out loud, over and over and it's still so funny?)
So MY BIG QUESTION OF THE DAY IS, what are we doing too much of in this household ...Beauty and the Beast or the declicious deli meat that we look forward to on day 9 of our fatloss4idiots diet ...(which I must note is one day after 'all veggie day' which quite simply is HELL ...roast beef tastes like chocolate on day 9.)
Either way the lil Pistol has a VERY active mind which is so exciting. I just got a whole lot more excited about what Dr. Teats might pull out of the white plastic airport gift shop bag Thursday of this week ... :) The name game could be a little entertaining, I KINDA LOVE IT!
GOODBYE MONDAY ...(thank God.)
'ROAST BEAST'
(why do I keep saying it out loud, over and over and it's still so funny?)
So MY BIG QUESTION OF THE DAY IS, what are we doing too much of in this household ...Beauty and the Beast or the declicious deli meat that we look forward to on day 9 of our fatloss4idiots diet ...(which I must note is one day after 'all veggie day' which quite simply is HELL ...roast beef tastes like chocolate on day 9.)
Either way the lil Pistol has a VERY active mind which is so exciting. I just got a whole lot more excited about what Dr. Teats might pull out of the white plastic airport gift shop bag Thursday of this week ... :) The name game could be a little entertaining, I KINDA LOVE IT!
GOODBYE MONDAY ...(thank God.)
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Preschool open house ...ANYONE?
URGENT:
Can the eldest Pistol's private Christian preschool PLEASE schedule another VERY NECESSARY 'open house' so that Dr. Teats and I can let the Teat-in-laws know, "unfortunately - we HAVE to go to another open house ...would you mind watching the kids for just a little while - school is just up the street...blah blah blah" and then after the 5 minute "view the 3 yr old artwork and stand 'seemingly' amused and blown away by how adorable the kids personalized cubbies, painted and handcrafted masterpieces and classroom all are"... GO DRINK STOCKHOLM ROYALES FOR 2 HOURS WITH FELLOW OPEN HOUSERS (of course we need to toast to the pistols starting preschool ... it was to HONOR - THE - KIDS...)UNTIL WE REALIZE - OH CRAP - OUR PARENTS ARE ALL HOME WITH THE LIL PISTOLS, AND HOW LONG COULD OPEN HOUSE HAVE BEEN AFTER ALL? (never mind who's gonna drive us home?)
Need I say? ... I LOVE PRESCHOOL OPEN HOUSE! (And I especially love, that on the flier they sent home with the information about preschool open house, that they were very specific about NO KIDS ... I was more than happy to honor their wishes. And now I'm more than happy to go again ...and again ...and again ...)
Who knew preschool 'open house' even existed, but listen up my SISTERS...if it takes a freaking preschool open house to get us out on a pseudo-date night with free babysitting from the inlaws ... I'M ALL FOR IT ...DESPERATE TIMES, CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES.
Oh, and totally unrelated (ok well not TOTALLY unrelated) it was a good Sunday - thanks pastor for talking about drinking beer in church ...LOVE that too.
Cheers.
Can the eldest Pistol's private Christian preschool PLEASE schedule another VERY NECESSARY 'open house' so that Dr. Teats and I can let the Teat-in-laws know, "unfortunately - we HAVE to go to another open house ...would you mind watching the kids for just a little while - school is just up the street...blah blah blah" and then after the 5 minute "view the 3 yr old artwork and stand 'seemingly' amused and blown away by how adorable the kids personalized cubbies, painted and handcrafted masterpieces and classroom all are"... GO DRINK STOCKHOLM ROYALES FOR 2 HOURS WITH FELLOW OPEN HOUSERS (of course we need to toast to the pistols starting preschool ... it was to HONOR - THE - KIDS...)UNTIL WE REALIZE - OH CRAP - OUR PARENTS ARE ALL HOME WITH THE LIL PISTOLS, AND HOW LONG COULD OPEN HOUSE HAVE BEEN AFTER ALL? (never mind who's gonna drive us home?)
Need I say? ... I LOVE PRESCHOOL OPEN HOUSE! (And I especially love, that on the flier they sent home with the information about preschool open house, that they were very specific about NO KIDS ... I was more than happy to honor their wishes. And now I'm more than happy to go again ...and again ...and again ...)
Who knew preschool 'open house' even existed, but listen up my SISTERS...if it takes a freaking preschool open house to get us out on a pseudo-date night with free babysitting from the inlaws ... I'M ALL FOR IT ...DESPERATE TIMES, CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES.
Oh, and totally unrelated (ok well not TOTALLY unrelated) it was a good Sunday - thanks pastor for talking about drinking beer in church ...LOVE that too.
Cheers.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
I need a drink ...(and I'm not talking about a triple grande extra whip mocha ...THIS time.)
Today was less than exciting ... it was the usual 3 year old train party where I got "train sick" on the third round of the train ride, but ya know, ANYTHING for the kids ...(cute party and all, I'm just sayin' ...), a Piggies and Paws home party next door, (you all know exactly what I'm talkin' about too - she came to the Uppercase Living party I hosted at my house, so I for SURE have to return the respect of going to the party she's hosting at hers ... cute party and all, I'm just sayin') ... and FINALLY, not a MOMENT TOO SOON Dr. Teats blew in from South Dakota in his camo hoodie (see Bird on Point post) ...
So, here is what I don't get about that - I understand wearing camo WHILE you're hunting, or if you're in your military gear I totally respect that of course - but for crying out loud ... do you have to wear your camo hoodie on your way home from your "HUNTING TRIP?" No one on United airlines is going to see your hoodie and ask HOW MANY DITCH PARROTS (that's ditch bank okie for Pheasants or so I'm told ...) you shot ... just funny. It's like a football player wearing his cleats home ... right?
The point of all of this is only to say, when he got home - he suggested dinner OUT (yahooooooo it doesn't take much for him to redeem himself from "the" phone call) - but here is the thing I want to know - does anyone else have a battle with yourself when you take the kids to dinner, after hubby has been GONE for four days, and you've been cooped up with slim to none adult interaction (aside from "parties" and ultrasounds), you're ordering your chips and guacamole, and the time comes for drink requests? This is what I'm sayin' - Sprite for the 3 year old, water for the sippy cup for the baby, and I give the dagger-eyes to Dr. Teats ... and I'm thinking, you had BETTER not order beer after you've just been drinking and shooting (oxymoron) for 4 days and I SO NEED A JACK AND COKE ... and next thing I know he blurts out with a hugeeeee happy grin "I'LL TAKE A BLUE MOON - MAKE IT A LARGE ..."
Drop F bomb in my head, order my damn Pepsi, and I'm driving us all home from Chapalas. Guess it's time to schedule an Arbonne Party during the next Cowboys game ...
So, here is what I don't get about that - I understand wearing camo WHILE you're hunting, or if you're in your military gear I totally respect that of course - but for crying out loud ... do you have to wear your camo hoodie on your way home from your "HUNTING TRIP?" No one on United airlines is going to see your hoodie and ask HOW MANY DITCH PARROTS (that's ditch bank okie for Pheasants or so I'm told ...) you shot ... just funny. It's like a football player wearing his cleats home ... right?
The point of all of this is only to say, when he got home - he suggested dinner OUT (yahooooooo it doesn't take much for him to redeem himself from "the" phone call) - but here is the thing I want to know - does anyone else have a battle with yourself when you take the kids to dinner, after hubby has been GONE for four days, and you've been cooped up with slim to none adult interaction (aside from "parties" and ultrasounds), you're ordering your chips and guacamole, and the time comes for drink requests? This is what I'm sayin' - Sprite for the 3 year old, water for the sippy cup for the baby, and I give the dagger-eyes to Dr. Teats ... and I'm thinking, you had BETTER not order beer after you've just been drinking and shooting (oxymoron) for 4 days and I SO NEED A JACK AND COKE ... and next thing I know he blurts out with a hugeeeee happy grin "I'LL TAKE A BLUE MOON - MAKE IT A LARGE ..."
Drop F bomb in my head, order my damn Pepsi, and I'm driving us all home from Chapalas. Guess it's time to schedule an Arbonne Party during the next Cowboys game ...
Friday, October 3, 2008
Bird on Point ...
So I intend to share my favorite story or thought of the day just to keep myself (and perhaps you as well) humored ... so here is the dealio ...today's best funny is way too inappropriate to share in public ... so you're getting the next best (which isn't nearly as good as the best, but it will have to do, since I need to get this blog started ...)
I have been having these horrid abdominal attacks that come on out of nowhere for a few months now. They last about an hour (the last one so horrid I accidentally locked my little pistols in the car as I tried to stumble out of the driver's seat without falling to my knees ...anyway thank God for onstar ...) - so I had to go in for an ultrasound today to take a looky-loo.
So big daddy has it rough, and is on "another" little hunting trip in South Dakota. So I get out of the appointment and figure I'd better call him and let him know that they didn't find a large tumor or something - but instead of a few little gall stones, but HE DOESN'T KNOW THIS YET ...I'm figuring he's waiting on pins and needles - feeling so bad he can't be around to hear the news in person, not to mention what if poor little me has an attack while he's gone ... haha - (WHATEVAH - JUST BEING DRAMATIC) - SO back to the call ... he answers his cell phone which honestly I really didn't expect him to - and before I'm even able to get out "I just got out of the ultrasound" ... he cuts me off at "I.." and whispers as if he's the crocodile hunter ..."BABE - I'M HUNTING, AND I HAVE A "BIRD ON POINT" ... SO IF I DROP THE PHONE IT'S BECAUSE I'M TAKING A SHOT ..."
Oh puh-lease (HUGE EYEROLL) ...at this point ...I HAD A BIRD ON POINT FOR HIM AND IT WAS THE MIDDLE ONE WITH A BROKEN NAIL. The rest of the conversation is really not important ... the fact that it's gall stones is THRILLING to me and I was elated to share that news and he said "I'm so sorry to hear that sweetie ..." RIGHHHHHTTT ...he barely heard a word I said other than I wasn't headed to the ER DYING - which THANK GOD FOR HIM B/C HEAVEN FORBID HE HAVE TO RUSH HOME.
We all know there was no bird on point ... I'm just sayin' ...
I have been having these horrid abdominal attacks that come on out of nowhere for a few months now. They last about an hour (the last one so horrid I accidentally locked my little pistols in the car as I tried to stumble out of the driver's seat without falling to my knees ...anyway thank God for onstar ...) - so I had to go in for an ultrasound today to take a looky-loo.
So big daddy has it rough, and is on "another" little hunting trip in South Dakota. So I get out of the appointment and figure I'd better call him and let him know that they didn't find a large tumor or something - but instead of a few little gall stones, but HE DOESN'T KNOW THIS YET ...I'm figuring he's waiting on pins and needles - feeling so bad he can't be around to hear the news in person, not to mention what if poor little me has an attack while he's gone ... haha - (WHATEVAH - JUST BEING DRAMATIC) - SO back to the call ... he answers his cell phone which honestly I really didn't expect him to - and before I'm even able to get out "I just got out of the ultrasound" ... he cuts me off at "I.." and whispers as if he's the crocodile hunter ..."BABE - I'M HUNTING, AND I HAVE A "BIRD ON POINT" ... SO IF I DROP THE PHONE IT'S BECAUSE I'M TAKING A SHOT ..."
Oh puh-lease (HUGE EYEROLL) ...at this point ...I HAD A BIRD ON POINT FOR HIM AND IT WAS THE MIDDLE ONE WITH A BROKEN NAIL. The rest of the conversation is really not important ... the fact that it's gall stones is THRILLING to me and I was elated to share that news and he said "I'm so sorry to hear that sweetie ..." RIGHHHHHTTT ...he barely heard a word I said other than I wasn't headed to the ER DYING - which THANK GOD FOR HIM B/C HEAVEN FORBID HE HAVE TO RUSH HOME.
We all know there was no bird on point ... I'm just sayin' ...
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