I had better LOVE the car I drive for the amount of money we drop a month in payments on the damn thing. And, I do. I love my car. From many years of Buick Skylarks, and 25 yr old firebirds... I finally, love my car.
On my way back from droppin' off birthday cupcakes for the pistol at preschool, I saw a woman rockin' a MINT green metallic Ford Expedition ... can someone tell me who goes to the Ford dealership, and says to her husband ..."I want the mint green one ...that's my favorite color ...GOTTA.have.it." Borderline U.S. Forestry government VEHICLE.
She was proud too... "student of the month" stickers on the bumper and all ...
I love me a cute Expedition ... in a variety of colors... great vehicle...but I don't care what kind of deal she got ... it wasn't worth it.
Oh well, at least it wasn't a mint green Town and Country...guess I can cut her SOME slack.
On the other hand, mint green would suit a T&C FAMOUSLY so that might just rock.
Alright enough from Mocha Bitch today...the bazooka calls from her slumber ... 'HEY! MOM! GET ME!'
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Mochas, Wine and more Crack ...
I blew myself away and was out the door at 8:30 ...got my, DUH...mocha..and then took the pistols to the grocery store. I asked the 4 year old what we should make daddy for dinner ...
"WINE MOMMY ....WINE."
She knows her daddy all, too, well.
On a side note ...my mom just got back from visiting my oldest sister in Nashville...said she ate at a place called the "Puffy Muffin ..." Sounds like my kind of place...
That, or The Numby Assycrack.
"WINE MOMMY ....WINE."
She knows her daddy all, too, well.
On a side note ...my mom just got back from visiting my oldest sister in Nashville...said she ate at a place called the "Puffy Muffin ..." Sounds like my kind of place...
That, or The Numby Assycrack.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Here a crack, there a crack everywhere a crackcrack...
Old Macdonald had a farm...and I'm pretty sure most days I belong on it...
So - you ever go to a nice restaurant...and you could just kick the chipper server in the ass? Not cute, not funny, not that good...but chipper. Tries to make a joke ...you all stare. Damn...it's annoying. Had a great evening with some of my favorita's to hang out with... but the SERVER ... good Lord...DROVE ME NUTS.
My tour guide this weekend, however, atop the double decker red bus... being completely inappropriate, making HORRID, fun of harmless, innocent folks on the street... from jokes about the 4/20 marijuana fest, or smoking crack in 'un-named' bars... to poor little guy showing ass crack in China Town...I was cackling non stop ... he wasn't even really trying...he was just BEING... THAT'S THE KIND OF FUNNY I LIKE.
I'm finding I just like to laugh at anything related to CRACK. Does that about sum me up? I sure do talk about it a lot...
Too bad mine's numb...apparently.
Crack Freak.
So - you ever go to a nice restaurant...and you could just kick the chipper server in the ass? Not cute, not funny, not that good...but chipper. Tries to make a joke ...you all stare. Damn...it's annoying. Had a great evening with some of my favorita's to hang out with... but the SERVER ... good Lord...DROVE ME NUTS.
My tour guide this weekend, however, atop the double decker red bus... being completely inappropriate, making HORRID, fun of harmless, innocent folks on the street... from jokes about the 4/20 marijuana fest, or smoking crack in 'un-named' bars... to poor little guy showing ass crack in China Town...I was cackling non stop ... he wasn't even really trying...he was just BEING... THAT'S THE KIND OF FUNNY I LIKE.
I'm finding I just like to laugh at anything related to CRACK. Does that about sum me up? I sure do talk about it a lot...
Too bad mine's numb...apparently.
Crack Freak.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The shopping extravaganza....
Ok ...best shopping trip EVER ...so fun. Lots of great stuff ... I'll see if I can post some pics of the favorites... (not today.)
Highlight was SHOCKINGLY not the shopping, but seeing Wicked ... HOLY SMOKES ... such a great show - we all loved it...(and of course I especially loved the Bailey's BEFORE the show ...). Not a group of drinkers ... so my lemon drop was described as "Lemonade like" and my Bailey's was described ... "hot chocolate esque" haha. Why does that make me laugh? Also had dinner one night atop Macy's at the Cheesecake Factory our table overlooking Union Square ... where we were served some little balls of happiness and joy called "Macaroni and Cheese balls" ...OH SWEET JESUS...good thing I did the jean madness PRIOR to the dinner... And the last morning we actually bought tickets for a double decker tour bus and rode from Union Square (shopping mecca) and got a little San Fran history on our way to Pier 39 and Fisherman's Wharf where we goofed around and ..YUP YOU GUESSED IT ...ATE SOME MORE. :) So easy, so fun, so relaxed...no drama. Good girls.
I was only really disturbed once ... when this really emaciated size 00 mom, was in Saks with her size 18, nine year old daughter, who was whining because she couldn't find the "True Religion" section ...that's just downright wrong ... I was so livid. Ain't no way on earth that cute not-so-little girl could squeeze into TR's...and then the mom dragged her into the lingerie section ... and this emaciated mom - KID YOU NOT - was getting HERSELF some spanx ... SICK.AND.WRONG. Absolutely ruined my ....uh, minute. Because then it was all about me again, finding MY size in True Religions...which was near impossible itself. :) *Unsuccessful by the way* Settled for the boyfriend cut, faded and torn, AG's at Anthro. I'm sure I'll know I made the right decision during my next cycle when I'm bloated...
And today back to reality ... the highlight so far has been an 80 yr old man, sitting in a turn lane on a goofy little bike ...helmet, biking shorts, biking shirt and all ... (grateful for biking shorts cause I sure as hell didn't want to see the dude's crack) out at 8am for a power ride ... BITING, HIS NAILS, WHILE HE WAITED FOR THE LIGHT TO TURN GREEN... How does one have the discipline after 80 years to get in that gettup and ride a bike, ON A MAIN ROAD I MIGHT ADD, and yet, HE STILL BITES HIS NAILS. Weird. I always thought if you were discliplined you were disciplined (which clearly I'm not so I don't understand it anyhow ...)
Gots to go now ... the bazooka and I are busy eating CHEETOS... :)
Life is good. Sorry no gross funnies today ...well there are, but they involve scabs and puss and no one wants to hear about that... DO THEY? lol.
Happy Tuesday... queen bestie arrives FROM OREGON at my house in 3 days... WHOO HOO!
Highlight was SHOCKINGLY not the shopping, but seeing Wicked ... HOLY SMOKES ... such a great show - we all loved it...(and of course I especially loved the Bailey's BEFORE the show ...). Not a group of drinkers ... so my lemon drop was described as "Lemonade like" and my Bailey's was described ... "hot chocolate esque" haha. Why does that make me laugh? Also had dinner one night atop Macy's at the Cheesecake Factory our table overlooking Union Square ... where we were served some little balls of happiness and joy called "Macaroni and Cheese balls" ...OH SWEET JESUS...good thing I did the jean madness PRIOR to the dinner... And the last morning we actually bought tickets for a double decker tour bus and rode from Union Square (shopping mecca) and got a little San Fran history on our way to Pier 39 and Fisherman's Wharf where we goofed around and ..YUP YOU GUESSED IT ...ATE SOME MORE. :) So easy, so fun, so relaxed...no drama. Good girls.
I was only really disturbed once ... when this really emaciated size 00 mom, was in Saks with her size 18, nine year old daughter, who was whining because she couldn't find the "True Religion" section ...that's just downright wrong ... I was so livid. Ain't no way on earth that cute not-so-little girl could squeeze into TR's...and then the mom dragged her into the lingerie section ... and this emaciated mom - KID YOU NOT - was getting HERSELF some spanx ... SICK.AND.WRONG. Absolutely ruined my ....uh, minute. Because then it was all about me again, finding MY size in True Religions...which was near impossible itself. :) *Unsuccessful by the way* Settled for the boyfriend cut, faded and torn, AG's at Anthro. I'm sure I'll know I made the right decision during my next cycle when I'm bloated...
And today back to reality ... the highlight so far has been an 80 yr old man, sitting in a turn lane on a goofy little bike ...helmet, biking shorts, biking shirt and all ... (grateful for biking shorts cause I sure as hell didn't want to see the dude's crack) out at 8am for a power ride ... BITING, HIS NAILS, WHILE HE WAITED FOR THE LIGHT TO TURN GREEN... How does one have the discipline after 80 years to get in that gettup and ride a bike, ON A MAIN ROAD I MIGHT ADD, and yet, HE STILL BITES HIS NAILS. Weird. I always thought if you were discliplined you were disciplined (which clearly I'm not so I don't understand it anyhow ...)
Gots to go now ... the bazooka and I are busy eating CHEETOS... :)
Life is good. Sorry no gross funnies today ...well there are, but they involve scabs and puss and no one wants to hear about that... DO THEY? lol.
Happy Tuesday... queen bestie arrives FROM OREGON at my house in 3 days... WHOO HOO!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Out of the mouths of ...'not-so-babes'
Tonight Dr. Teats and I had an interesting little heart to heart post-3-glasses-o-wine ... "So I want to ask you a question...." (in other words he had his 6am bible-study dude meeting this morning) ..."Do you want to know the details of the ins and outs of my day ...like, where I am, who I saw, what went down? Because (insert dude he meets with) says his wife doesn't give a crap about that- doesn't want to hear about it - so they don't talk about it...."
My reply ..."yes, as a matter of fact I do want those details - that interests me, because it's part of you ...which is part of us, and of course, I want to know what's going down..." (why didn't I just stop there....because I couldn't, that's not how I roll, I run my mouth if you hadn't noticed...) "and furthermore...IT WOULD BE FREAKING AWESOME IF YOU'D ASK ME SOMETIME ABOUT THE INS AND OUTS OF MINE...I'M JUST SAYING..."
Damn, when will I learn to hold my tongue. Poor guy was TRYING SO HARD...BLESS.HIS.HEART.
Sincerely,
The big mouthed mocha freak...
P.S. leave for San Fran tomorrow - big shopping trip... DON'T WORRY - I PACKED SOME UNDERWEAR.
My reply ..."yes, as a matter of fact I do want those details - that interests me, because it's part of you ...which is part of us, and of course, I want to know what's going down..." (why didn't I just stop there....because I couldn't, that's not how I roll, I run my mouth if you hadn't noticed...) "and furthermore...IT WOULD BE FREAKING AWESOME IF YOU'D ASK ME SOMETIME ABOUT THE INS AND OUTS OF MINE...I'M JUST SAYING..."
Damn, when will I learn to hold my tongue. Poor guy was TRYING SO HARD...BLESS.HIS.HEART.
Sincerely,
The big mouthed mocha freak...
P.S. leave for San Fran tomorrow - big shopping trip... DON'T WORRY - I PACKED SOME UNDERWEAR.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
A little announcement ...
I know all of you have spotless houses, ready for visitors at all hours of the day...I however, do NOT. As I was sitting in pain ...chips all over the carpet from said gourmet dinner I provided last night ... toys EVERYWHERE ... sitting on my perch a NO-SHOWERED MESS, kids a NO-DRESSED MESS ... Dr. Teats was about to make a very special, LITTLE, casual annoucement...you know the kind, the 'NO BIG DEAL KIND... JUST THOUGHT YOU'D WANT TO KNOW KIND..."
The background is, he's just started a new business, and the computer guru I've never met before flew in from Iowa to set everything up ... the place is 3 miles from here so what is the big announcement you ask? Dr. Teats getting a GENIUS idea for his new computer friend to come secure our network at HOME ...you know, SINCE HE'S IN THE AREA AND ALL MIGHT AS WELL MILK HIM FOR ALL HE'S WORTH... I got the annoucement approximately 4 minutes and 20 seconds before the guru was to arrive at my front door and parade through the house to the OFFICE...
EYE YI YI. I guess we're only on marriage year 7 ... I have a lot more training to do don't I?
I ran around like a mad woman ... scurrying about throwing toys in the pistols bedrooms, dishes in the oven, because of course the dishwasher hadn't been emptied, making a bed (that you can see in the master bedroom as you're walking to the 'OFFICE' ... ) AND WHAT IS DR. TEATS MUMBLING? "I don't know what the big deal is - he's just going to be in my office.... what are you all worried about?"
Need I say more? NEED I SAY MORE.
Good thing there is a HUGE shopping trip around the corner ...and I have A LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT OF MY OWN...it just got HUGER...I'm just saying.
The background is, he's just started a new business, and the computer guru I've never met before flew in from Iowa to set everything up ... the place is 3 miles from here so what is the big announcement you ask? Dr. Teats getting a GENIUS idea for his new computer friend to come secure our network at HOME ...you know, SINCE HE'S IN THE AREA AND ALL MIGHT AS WELL MILK HIM FOR ALL HE'S WORTH... I got the annoucement approximately 4 minutes and 20 seconds before the guru was to arrive at my front door and parade through the house to the OFFICE...
EYE YI YI. I guess we're only on marriage year 7 ... I have a lot more training to do don't I?
I ran around like a mad woman ... scurrying about throwing toys in the pistols bedrooms, dishes in the oven, because of course the dishwasher hadn't been emptied, making a bed (that you can see in the master bedroom as you're walking to the 'OFFICE' ... ) AND WHAT IS DR. TEATS MUMBLING? "I don't know what the big deal is - he's just going to be in my office.... what are you all worried about?"
Need I say more? NEED I SAY MORE.
Good thing there is a HUGE shopping trip around the corner ...and I have A LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT OF MY OWN...it just got HUGER...I'm just saying.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
What's for dinner?
Quite frankly...nothing.
Dr. Teats is off to his weekly "Bird on Point" fest ...(alright, trap shoot at the local gun club) and instead of flipping him bird on point as he walked out the door...
I took a vicodin.
I just bought Beverly Hill's Chihuahua on demand.
I have a small bag of cheetos.
The pistol has a small bag of BBQ.
The bazooka has small bag of cool ranch.
There will be no cooking. There will be no baths. There will be one more movie. And there will be a whole lot of Mocha Freak sitting on her perch SHINGLING.
Painfully yours,
M.F.
Dr. Teats is off to his weekly "Bird on Point" fest ...(alright, trap shoot at the local gun club) and instead of flipping him bird on point as he walked out the door...
I took a vicodin.
I just bought Beverly Hill's Chihuahua on demand.
I have a small bag of cheetos.
The pistol has a small bag of BBQ.
The bazooka has small bag of cool ranch.
There will be no cooking. There will be no baths. There will be one more movie. And there will be a whole lot of Mocha Freak sitting on her perch SHINGLING.
Painfully yours,
M.F.
Monday, April 13, 2009
The pistol has a big mouth like her momma....
Sitting in my church bathroom Easter Sunday ... had to make a quick stop...(as usual). I chose to take the pistol in with me so she could go potty before children's church as well so I wouldn't get called out mid service (as usual). She's grabbing "herself", doing the potty dance, (because Lord knows, I couldn't wait for her to go first) looks at me, crinkles up nose, and announces...WITH EXCELLENT PROJECTION:
"mommy, you smell STINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKY....YOU HAVE A STINKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKY BOOTIE DON'T YOU..."
Oh, the glare...if looks could have killed.
p.s. I have shingles. Things are supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
(please don't post on my facebook wall about the shingles...a few looky lou's around here like to stir up drama about such things...you know the type.)
"mommy, you smell STINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKY....YOU HAVE A STINKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKY BOOTIE DON'T YOU..."
Oh, the glare...if looks could have killed.
p.s. I have shingles. Things are supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
(please don't post on my facebook wall about the shingles...a few looky lou's around here like to stir up drama about such things...you know the type.)
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
RIPPED OFF
I'm pissy today, so only two things:
1)It totally annoys me when I've just taken the biggest crap in the world (oh, and you all know that's been REGULAR around here since said Gall Bladder surgery...) and there is an empty roll of tp. DAMN, you know who. Is it not a given, when you RIP OFF THE LAST SQUARE YOU RESTOCK? CRAP! (No pun intended.)
2) I went to Michaels (craft store) to get some baskets and goodies for the pistols for Easter ...and you will NOT believe what I came across on aisle 5...
TURQUOISE BEADS, DARLING SILVER CROSS...TOTALING: $14.50
NOT.EVEN.SORTA.JOKING. If I am doing my math correctly ... Dr. Teats over paid the local dairy club by exactly $335.50 all to satisfy the M.F. But seriously - I could have made this damn thing myself??
Let's not anyone tell Dr. Teats.
1)It totally annoys me when I've just taken the biggest crap in the world (oh, and you all know that's been REGULAR around here since said Gall Bladder surgery...) and there is an empty roll of tp. DAMN, you know who. Is it not a given, when you RIP OFF THE LAST SQUARE YOU RESTOCK? CRAP! (No pun intended.)
2) I went to Michaels (craft store) to get some baskets and goodies for the pistols for Easter ...and you will NOT believe what I came across on aisle 5...
TURQUOISE BEADS, DARLING SILVER CROSS...TOTALING: $14.50
NOT.EVEN.SORTA.JOKING. If I am doing my math correctly ... Dr. Teats over paid the local dairy club by exactly $335.50 all to satisfy the M.F. But seriously - I could have made this damn thing myself??
Let's not anyone tell Dr. Teats.
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