I said it on my facebook but I'll say it again ... because I'm still PISSED that my 3 year old told me my stomach is getting bigGER last night ... and then had the nerve to ask me tonight, in passing of course if I was having another baby. I swear it's these damn barbies ... totally ruining it for some of us. Not the skinny, big boobed bitches but the rest of us normal ones. There is so much push on green this and that and healthy body image, well then why in the hell is Barbie a double d, with a 25 inch waist and no hips, with long perfect legs and not a wrinkle or vericose vein to be had ... BECAUSE THAT'S SOOOO REALISTIC. Does this not encourage botox, lipo, plastic surgery and anorexia? LOL. EYE YI YI.
And don't even get me started on Ken and his 'package' ...seriously.
Let's see a big girl Barbie (ok honestly I want her to be named fat-ass barbie) ... with fries instead of a horse, perhaps a mocha frappuchino Barbie ... reading "Us" and addicted to facebook. With a muffin top please. Perhaps carrying a baby with a saggy diaper. Boy sorry this is getting too specific isn't it? haha. She can be HEALTHY OF COURSE ... I don't even really care if she's got normal sized boobs but does her middle have to be the size of MY MIDDLE FINGER? Lord have mercy. And how 'bout a Ken with a receding hair line, and a beer belly, with a remote in one hand, and his other hand down his pants ... no corvette, but a lazy boy, and a 50 inch flat screen with an ESPN on it ... BECAUSE THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS REALITY. Well, ok, not for all of you ... I know at least a couple of you have freakin' ripped husbands with abs to die for who substitute a beer for a Figi water while watching ESPN, but, those two of you, also don't have the muffin top like me. You're the twigs in the bunch that think you're fat but you're really teeny and gorgeous, BUT YOU SWEAR YOU'RE ADDICTED TO MCDONALDS FRENCH FRIES AND CONFESS EATING PINTS OF BEN AND JERRYS IN THE DARK WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING ... lol. YAH YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE ...HOT HUSBANDS ... and you're smokin' hot too - matter of fact you guys are who Ken and Barbie are modeled after (minus the double D's, the horse and the corvette perhaps).
Clearly I'm stereo typing ...I just think it's lame that Ken and Barbie are who my kids are comparing Dr. Teats and I too ... oh, well in our house actually it's Prince Philip and Belle... same idea. *and duh I know the two don't go together but it's who she's obsessed with so it's who we have...* It's so twisted that the Pistol announced at dinner a couple of nights ago - that she is ecstatic for our next trip to Disneyland, but she knows daddy is SUPER 'essited' too ... because he's going to see his GIRLFRIEND ...BELLE. WTF???? Speaking of a big package ...I can see it now... as Belle sits on Dr. Teats lap for a photo op at the Princess Faire. There will be an eighth NOT-SO-DWARF NAMED POKEY. (Eye roll.) I hope he gets that he's the Beast in that little love affair ...
Barbie, Belle, whoever and their boyfriends Ken and Philip, can all kiss my fat ass, and BIG STOMACH TO BOOT. I can't wait til the pistol starts in on Dr. Teats and his PARTS.
I'M SO OVER THE SCRUTINY. I need to ask the Pistol for some pole dancing lessons ...maybe I could lose the gut, AND STEEL DR. TEATS (A.K.A. THE BEAST) ATTENTION AWAY FROM 'BELLE'.
Fondly,
F.A.M.F. (you figure it out.)
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2 comments:
Step away from the mocha....you've had too much. We can get you the help you need. Anyone for an intervention?
So does Ken really have a package??? I've never noticed, but maybe I'm missing something.
Barbie would be hideous in real life - so let's just focus on that. Maybe I should stop commenting on your blog and go write on my own now. :) Glad you're back.
DYING with laughter. Had to read this one out loud to my mom. This is exactly why Barbies aren't allowed in my house! (Although a couple have managed to make their way in in the last few month, much to Jeff's chagrin.) I want you to know that I think you are absolutely hilarious and I love, love, love, reading your posts. Thank you for the laughter my friend. You make my world a brighter place. (And in rainy old Oregon, I need that!)
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