Let me just say ... that for me, the beauty of a good blog...is noting something significant that happens in your day or life... (or in my case year) that makes you realize...you can't just hog the tidbit all to yourself...it has to be shared. So, with that said, it's on like donkey kong...I'm back. There is too much CRAP going down on daily not to be at least throwing it out there to see if anyone else might enjoy a cackle, a WTF, or an OMG, WITH me.
I won't bore you with where I've been ... suffice it to say, Dr. Teats is still obsessed with Teats, (and not mine, I might add...), the eldest pistol is really not a pistol at all...she is too nice for her own good, and the youngest one... yah, I said it when she was 1 and 1/2 and I'll say it again, pistol was an understatement. I think I called her an Oozie or Bazooka once...that MIGHT be close. We're all still living in the same house ...I'm still addicted to mochas and still have a muffin top. SURPRISE...see how much DOESN'T CHANGE? It's almost like a soap opera...you've really missed NOTHING.
Bottom line is somewhere in the last year I was going to go back to school and get a masters in marriage and family counseling... and then two things happened: 1) two of my best friends ended up going through messy marriage situations and I realized I get way too PISSED and lose all ability to think rationally...my advice was usually "F... HIM, HE F....D YOU." Clearly, not the most impressive counseling. And 2) The business I'd made fun of for years... women who sold jewelry... has now become my little world aside from the Dr. and the Pistols... and has become quite lucrative...to the point that I don't even make fun of myself anymore let alone others. (HA!) So, one of my friends - who coincidentally didn't take my advice but is finally exhausted from the possibility of restoration, sent a text tonight asking for some advice. I gave it. We laughed hard. (because I'm phenomally philosophical and eloquent with words of wisdom... ) I then said "this is why I am not a counselor..." to which she replied "you would make a phenomenal unconventional counselor...they'd have to come up with a new name for your credentials.LMFT wouldn't cut it."
She has a point. But I'm not sure we need to change the acronym....we just might need to change it's meaning... to "lousy M F'n Therapy" provided by "Lame Mocha Freakin' Teat-less-wonder" or something to that effect. So, I'll give you the advice and tidbits you won't get at your local therapist. However... you might get a good belly laugh out of it. I think we're onto something here... something worth logging on to read. I have the friends and perhaps even followers, with unbelievable scenarios... if I could get them to give me a daily scenario or question ...I'd be happy to offer this so-called "unconventional counseling" :)
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3 comments:
Husband who shops at Marshall's/Ross several times a week, matches his tennis shoes to his outfit, got both ears pierced so he could have "street cred" with his high school students, and checks in for kinky sex often. Is he gay or straight is the real question?
Dear TooHotforTeacher:
Perhaps I should start with a swig of my fresh mocha and shot of something stronger? You already know the answer to this question, so I don't really need to answer that, however, it's imperative, that I comment on your 'name' as it is definitely noteworthy. Perhaps you should change it to...toostraightforteacher? Because, um, I'm pretty sure you are too straight for him. Just a hunch. Bless his heart though... I'd be a tad bit concerned that he's more concerned about impressing his students than his wife, and furthermore...I'd give him a picture of sneaky Chris Hansen from Dateline.... and tell him to be ware of white unmarked vans with a lot of eqipment atop them.... HE MIGHT BE ON CANDID CAMERA.... (And, just to be clear, you're not hanging out at the softball field in umbro shorts, a tshirt, with tubesocks, addidas flipflops and cherry chapstick in your pocket, ARE YOU? I'd hate to be guilty of ASSuming he was the only one acting out.)
MF: I took amd maybe am still taking a long ass break from Sayit out loud, but really want to come back. So if you do, I will too. Hope you had a great holiday. Ihave missed your FMFAO blog. xoxo.
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