The pistol has a big mouth like her momma....

Sitting in my church bathroom Easter Sunday ... had to make a quick stop...(as usual). I chose to take the pistol in with me so she could go potty before children's church as well so I wouldn't get called out mid service (as usual). She's grabbing "herself", doing the potty dance, (because Lord knows, I couldn't wait for her to go first) looks at me, crinkles up nose, and announces...WITH EXCELLENT PROJECTION:

"mommy, you smell STINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKY....YOU HAVE A STINKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKY BOOTIE DON'T YOU..."

Oh, the glare...if looks could have killed.

p.s. I have shingles. Things are supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

(please don't post on my facebook wall about the shingles...a few looky lou's around here like to stir up drama about such things...you know the type.)

RIPPED OFF

I'm pissy today, so only two things:

1)It totally annoys me when I've just taken the biggest crap in the world (oh, and you all know that's been REGULAR around here since said Gall Bladder surgery...) and there is an empty roll of tp. DAMN, you know who. Is it not a given, when you RIP OFF THE LAST SQUARE YOU RESTOCK? CRAP! (No pun intended.)

2) I went to Michaels (craft store) to get some baskets and goodies for the pistols for Easter ...and you will NOT believe what I came across on aisle 5...

TURQUOISE BEADS, DARLING SILVER CROSS...TOTALING: $14.50
NOT.EVEN.SORTA.JOKING. If I am doing my math correctly ... Dr. Teats over paid the local dairy club by exactly $335.50 all to satisfy the M.F. But seriously - I could have made this damn thing myself??

Let's not anyone tell Dr. Teats.

Muffin top spring preview ...

Don't anyone pass out, but I do love to volunteer when I can ... and today was soooo cool. I volunteered at an egg hunt for blind children where the kids hunt for eggs in a big field ... they are marked with balloons though and have beepers going....THE coolest event I've seen in a long time.

My job today (since they didn't trust me in the field with the kids evidently) was at a station that was doing hand prints in paint where you paint the child's hand, spread the fingers to look like ears and hand print on paper ... and then we added grass (basket filler) and a cloud (cotton balls) ..so the kids got to feel all of the textures of things ... unbelievable the smiles on these kids faces.

I have to admit I had a laugh or two when one of the volunteers had just stepped in to help with the grass part and hands the kid the grass and goes "Ok put it on ..." EYE YI YI ... she can't see you dumb ass - REMEMBER THAT'S THE POINT OF THIS LITTLE EVENT. LOL. Kinda funny.

ANYHOO ... good day...came home to the babysitter by the pool with the kids ... the baby had a leopard suit on that was the older sisters but she never wore so has hung in the room as decor b/c it was too cute (and the nursery has leopard...of course it does ha) and the pistol had on the bottoms (ONLY) of a suit that were in her underwear drawer AND HOT PINK WATERWINGS. haha. The poor babysitter ... it's only MARCH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD - I haven't done my spring cleaning out closets and drawers and regorganized with the summer wardrobes and sizes yet ...WHAT A SIGHT TO SEE.

She did call and ask if they could sit inside the pool fence ... which made me nervous as it was ...so you think I'd have freaked out, but man - I enjoyed walking into happy kids, LATHERED IN SUNSCREEN I MIGHT ADD happy babysitter, and the house wasn't tore up because they were OUTSIDE FROM THE TIME I LEFT. Big tip for babysitter...(in addition to the great pay and venti mocha frap that's a given when she babysits or cleans :)_)

Where is Dr. Teats on this fine Saturday you ask? Stuck in Dallas Fort Worth Airport ... he missed his connecter to Los Angeles because they couldn't get the weight balanced on the lawn dart from Lubbock to Dallas ... and he's on ME about weight. Geesh. He was LIVID ...but between you and me, bet it was his side that was LEAAAAAAAAAAAAANING to the left. I'm just saying.

So, now I'm off, to a family birthday party, (his side) with the pistols, by myself .... and have been left a v/m from DFW airport...to BRING MY SUIT and the kids' suits ... B/C HE GOT A PHONE CALL FROM HIS COUSIN THAT THE PISTOLS HAVE BEEN INVITED TO SWIM AT THIS SHING DING ... AND HE'S NOT GONNA BE THERE TO SWIM WITH THEM.

Need I say more? SHIT. shit.shit.shit.

At least it started as a good day, never said it was going to end that way ...

Toodles,
M.F.

Mocha freak throwin' you a bone ...

My top 10 tips for you ...things MOCHA FREAK LOVES...:)

1.Hempz lotion (TO, DIE FOR.)

2.L'oreal Vulimnious (the BRIGHT yellow tube) Mascara

3. Arbonne Lipsaver SPF 30

4. Restoration Hardware ...SILVER SAGE ANYTHING ...the most soothing color E-V-E-R. (great paint color for a bathroom - totally soothing and spa like)

5. Beaulieu Vineyard (BV) Zinfandel (Napa) ...Red Zin ...

6. My True Religions ...style = Emma

7. Ray-bans ...(oh yes, back to the 80's baby ... he he) style 3361 in the brushed gold

8. My B.O.C. (off shoot of BORN) wedges ...style "Junia" in gold

9. Sensa Pens ...B/C I'M A PEN WHORE.

10. My personalized preppy travel mug, and ALL THINGS MONOGRAM CHIC .... check her out AT http://www.monogramchick.com/ - she's smart, funny, and has some DARLING things for you to personalize for yourself ...or your friends! MOTHERS DAY IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER GIRLFRIENDS...:) She's got a giveaway going for another 3 hours but keep checking back with her - she has always got somethin' goin' down ...

(this list does not include the obvious triple grande extra whip cream mocha and glacier blue KITCHEN AID MIXER ... duh...these are givens.)

Milk 'em for all their worth

"Dr. Teat's Dutch temper = things look up for Mocha Freak 101":

A)Big fight due to hot tempered Dutchman's foul mouth = No nookie.



B) No nookie = Dr. Teats kisses my ass until he gets 'some'.



C) Dr. Teats kissing my ass = cute new clothes from business trip, the dishes done for me and pistols bathed while I sit on my ass, feet up and read Coastal Living. And a larger than life check for my "extra expenditures" while he's gone (AGAIN) for the next 3 days.



D) Exhibit C = BRING ON THE FIGHT DR. TEATS ... IT WAS WELL WORTH IT.



And to think, he thought he was gonna get some 1 day of no talking plus 3 days of business trip - DUH ...EXNAY ON THE NAY-NAY ... silly, silly boy. He's the one who has "Milk 'em for all they're worth" ...as his business slogan... bless his heart. I'm just being a submissive wife and doing as my husband says ...AND SO, I SHALL MILK, AS HE SAYS.

Innocently,
M.F.

Large, dark, circles ...

Nope friends, not the kind you will find under my eyes on a DAILY.

I thought I was being funny at dinner tonight, when my almost 4 year old giggles like crazy and says ...

(ARE YOU SITTING?)...

"MOM, YOU ARE HILAREOLAS ..."

Dr. Teats let out a guffaw and then asked her to say it again just to be sure ...

"HILAREOLAS ..."

Crap, I wish they were HIGH.

And so, my day (almost) ends, on that lovely note.

Eye yi yi ...

M.F.

An Extra Large clearly not in charge ...

...of the buying at Banana Republic.

So I was in Banana this weekend ... picked up a cute turquoise top (to go with my new turquoise necklace b/c you know that's how I roll - buy the accessory and then buy clothes to match...). So I wanted it in black too ...but...

Can someone please tell me ... why in a world of fatties like me ...there are always 10 extra smalls and no larges? Seriously ... haven't they gotten a clue yet when they buy? I mean we are in the land of cows ...Dairyland ... and LORD KNOWS WE NEED A CUPCAKE WITH OUR TALK GLASS OF MILK. We ain't gonna be buyin' the damn extra smalls, because I can guarantee you there will be no cutting back on comfort food as far as I can see ...I'M JUST SAYIN'.

For crying out loud people ...get a clue. Stop letting the size double 0's do the ordering.

Gotta go pick up the pistol ...AND TAKE HER FOR AN ICE CREAM ...haha.

M.F.